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“This is a bit ____ of a photo project, but its the most truth of the images of the last few years 2020-2023. I will keep it going, but I’d like it to end. That would mean I stopped putting myself in places. That may not be the best idea. I take images with love I guess. Behind my lens is love and honor and respect. I’ve tried to ditch that, but I have to be real about the act of the photograph, I can’t be untruthful.”

- Diary Entry 2023

The Places I’ve Been Putting Myself

When I am feeling.

When I am.
When I am not.

3,6,9,13,16
Anxious
Betrayed
Confused
Suicidal
Selfish
Tempted
Too young

Encourage to piss my pants

and stand on a podium 
Trying to be a good girl

in a corner somewhere

Taken away

Told off
Reading the letters from my mother

18
Wide eyed
Weak kneed
Abused and
Worn out
Survived
Asking and
Accepted at last
Grateful
Giggly
Capable
Pushed to the wall for xanax

Pretending
Throwing my fist into a mans face

22
Slipping into prayer and
Waging my soul
Grabbed by the back of my neck
Paraded around the room
Patronized
Prostituted
A bedroom for women 
Drunk driving
High on the clock
Listening and not reacting
The ride back home
Lonely
Vomiting
Bringing a pregnant friend back to her mother

Restricting a friend who wanted to show me my potential
25
In the way
Behind the women I admire
Distracted by unrequited love
Dissociated
Left
On the subway
make it to work on time
Licked like a popsicle
Overwhelmed
Closed up again
Realizing I had put myself back there

Relearning how to piss
Validated
Running away
Hugged in the club
Laying down my arms

Participating in choices, homes, and lives

© Megan Reilly
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